HANAGRIFF: A comprehensive LSU Christmas list

By Charles Hanagriff

We took the grandkids to a Winter Wonderland last week. 

It was a genuinely nice event, and it included pictures with Santa.  For some reason, they wanted all of us in the photo. 

I asked Santa if he could bring me someone who would paint our kitchen.  Well, he asked what I wanted didn’t he? 

But the strange look I got from the guy with the beard would pale in comparison if Santa brought some of our local sports figures what I’d put under their tree. 

Tis the season for giving!  Here goes. 

Brian Kelly gets a tackle, a wide receiver, a center, a tight end, a pass rusher, a corner, a quarterback, a punter and a couple of safeties.  If there is any room left, throw in a defensive tackle and another offensive lineman.  One can never have too many. 

The shopping crowds being what they are close to Christmas, Kelly has already been delivered some of his list.  Those who cannot decide what to get him are encouraged to buy gift cards at portalplayers.com. 

Matt McMahon gets cash.  Not very sentimental, I know, but it’s something he needs and will definitely use. 

McMahon has built from the ground up, literally, in his three seasons in Baton Rouge.  His second team was better than his first, and his third looks better than his second, even if the record at the end of the season may not reflect that. 

Because the problem is, the rest of the SEC has decided in the last 10 years to start pouring money into men’s hoops.  Outside of Kentucky, who always did, that is something new. 

In 2014, the league put only three teams into the NCAA Tournament.  This year that number will at least triple.  McMahon has a solid squad, but they will have a tough time making it into the top ten in the SEC against the gauntlet that awaits.  To take the next step, he is going to need more funding. 

For Jay Johnson, a healthy Chase Shores.   

To win a baseball championship, a lot of things have to come together.  A team can overcome some shortcomings and still win, like a thin bullpen or lack of team speed, if they are overly strong in other areas.   

The 1997 National Champions made a whopping 92 errors.  It didn’t matter because they hit 188 home runs. 

But no championship team at LSU ever got there without an ace. From Ojea to Sirotka to Yarnall to Coogan to Tallet to Ranaudo/Coleman to Skenes, the teams with the rings had that guy.   

The guy you throw in the opener.  The guy you throw in the marble game.  The guy you throw no matter who the other team throws. 

It may end up being somebody else, but Shores most looks the part.  If he’s humming on Friday nights, LSU is halfway to where they want to go. 

For Kim Mulkey, a win over South Carolina.  She is the hardest one to buy for.  The gift for the woman who seemingly has everything is the only thing she is missing. 

For Scott Woodward, a lunch with Elon Musk.  Hey, if you’re going to go looking for donors, think big. 

For Mickey Loomis, a gold watch.  It was a great run, the best in Saints history, but it’s time for new ideas.  Maybe an emeritus position, and certainly a spot in the Saints Hall of Fame, but it is time. 

For the New Orleans Pelicans, a prayer to St. Jude, the patron saint of lost causes.  Anything to take the curse off the beleaguered franchise. 

For Joe Burrow, an offensive line, and referees that aren’t visually impaired.  For Jayden Daniels, a trip to the playoffs. For Garrett Nussmeier, a healthy and prosperous next 12 months. 

As for myself, I really don’t want anything.  Except someone besides me to pick up a roller and a drop cloth.